The Switch ~by Bill

So here we are.  Redoing paperwork, changing agencies, changing countries.  To Ukraine!  Of all places!  Sometimes a door opens and you know its the one to walk through.  We don't really understand why this has turned out the way it has.  We started our adoption journey planning to get our next child from Kazakhstan.  Reading books about Kazakhstan.  Working on Russian.  Checking flights to Almaty and apartments.  Seems like a crazy way to spend time but its just one of our hobbies.....  Then progress slowed to a gel in Kaz and we started looking elsewhere.   All the waits seemed sooooo loooong.  Then we heard about a lawyer in Springdale AR that could get you speedy quick referrals to birth mothers from the Marshallese community in Springdale.

 To good to be true!
 Its not!  We were matched with a birth mom almost immediately.

 It is!  She backed out almost as fast.  Just time to sink enough $$ into it to make it really sting.

So.  We wait for another referral.  Our lawyer wants to match us with a birth mother that is due soon.  He is very persuasive that that is the thing to do.  "I can match you with a birth mom immediately but I think you should wait...."

We don't know why Marshallese adoption didn't work out for us.  Maybe we jumped ship too soon.  Maybe we should have asked Vaughn for the next available birth mom no matter how long till she was due.  For some reason it seemed like we started to question more and more if it was right for us.  Neither of us have ever liked the aspect of domestic newborn adoption that you feel as if you are 'competing' for babies.  The simple fact is there are less healthy newborns born and placed for adoption then there are adoptive parents.  At any rate it seemed like everyone else we knew that was signed with Vaughn was moving ahead  and we were stalled.  We checked into other options but nothing seemed to work out.  Those were dark days.  To make matters worse it seemed like everyone that adopted through Vaughn had reports on how totally chaotic his operation was.

Then one of Steph's adoption friends signed on with the agency we used when we adopted Peyton to adopt from Ukraine.  Ukraine!! For some reason I had always had a negative impression of the adoption process from there.  Not interested.  Not me.  But somehow we couldn't forget about it.  Especially not with the updates and glowing reports from the friend.  It seemed like we were thawing to the whole Ukraine idea.  We started doing some research and I realized some or all of my fears about the Ukraine process were out dated or unfounded.  Suddenly it seemed like the door swung open.  Light came in.  No question what to do.

So.  Here we are.  I just filled out a pile of paperwork and there is much, MUCH more to come.  We have HOPE!!!  Our agency says travel as soon as June or July, depending on how fast we can get all of our paperwork switched and re-done.

It will be a lot more expensive than adopting with Vaughn would have been.  It will take us further out of our comfort zone.  But it seems to be where God wants us.  Maybe God wants some people to adopt internationally.  Maybe it has something to do with taking his word to other nations.  Maybe God so loves every child that he has one in Ukraine that, in His special plan is meant to be a part of our forever family!!

WHAT A JOURNEY!!!!

-Bill

Patiently Waiting

After our busy Christmas I finally have a day at home so thought I would quick write an update on here. A lot of you have been asking what's new and the answer is NOTHING! We are still waiting for a late term mother that would like to place her baby. I've heard that around Thanksgiving and Christmas is the slowest time in the adoption world, because the mothers are not wanting to think about that during the holidays and so it gets pushed off till things settle down a little. We are hoping that is true in our case and now sometime soon there will be some action! When I start writing about it, it always makes me feel guilty that we are sitting over here just chomping at the bit waiting.... for a mother to give up her baby so we can have it! I know I know that is so incorrect language and all the agencies would love to delete that sentence and say, "make an adoption plan" and yada yada, but the truth of it is there has to be a 'loss' for us to have a 'gain'! For some reason that always dampens my spirits a bit in my wishing for it to happen NOW! It seemed so different to me for some reason when we got Pey, his mother had already made the decision and he was in an orphanage and obviously needed a family asap! But now to go this domestic route and deal with the birth mother directly and be involved in her pain and know her story and sense her love for the baby... it's so hard emotionally to deal with that extra aspect of it! :(  Sometimes it looks like the easiest thing to just have one child :) But then I start thinking more realistically and remember how thankful we are that God gave us the opportunity to adopt and how we have been blessed far more than we ever imagined with our first little miracle boy and how worth it it will be in the end! And then some days believe it or not I start feeling so thankful and undeserving of the life we have been given and I wonder how will we ever be able to stop when we have SO much to share?!! I think time and money will stop us long before we are 'done' adopting!! :)
Ok so I realize this got to be some rambling of thoughts :-/
 Just dreaming out loud here.. I'm just hoping that in about 2 weeks we will get matched with a mother due the first of March, and as far as gender.. just depends on which day you ask me :) So.. I'll try and update then :)

Moving On

Well, we have decided (with some advice) that maybe it would be best to move on and leave the Carol situation behind! :( It's such a sticky, uncertain mess right now and Carol doesn't see at this point how it will work, so we are trying to release her from out hearts and minds. We felt a connection with her and it is really hard to leave it behind, but we are trying to trust that this is the open door we are suppose to be walking through!
We had a ray of hope for a couple days when our lawyer told us of a preemie boy that had been born and the young, single mother had decided after being with baby for 6 wks in NICU that it was too much for her to handle alone. But they had taken mother to the nearest specialty hospital to have the baby and that happened to be in the next state and our lawyer couldn't get the legal part all worked out and then the mother requested the family to be from Arkansas so that fell through as fast as it came to be!!
Vaughn has a mother now that he needs a family for, but she is only 4 months along and he feels quite confident that there will be a mother come to him later in pregnancy that he could match us with. So for now we are taking his advise and going to hold out for a possible later term mother.
I just hate the uncertainty of it all!!! It feels like we back to square one not knowing if we will have a baby in 6 weeks or 6 months and if it will be boy or girl!!  If we were just starting out 6 months would seem so quick, but after counting down weeks for the last several months and dreaming and getting prepared for a girl it's hard to switch gears and be totally neutral on gender and accept the possibility that it could be after our original due date! Oh well such is life, eh?! In the grand scheme of things this is such a little bump, but it's pretty easy to make a mountain out of a mole hill! :-)
Maybe next post will be some really exciting news!!!

Turmoil :(

Have been wanting to post an update, but hasn't been a lot to post about, until... this week. Our lawyer contacted us and said he saw red flags in the adoption.. NOT what one wants to hear!! The boyfriend/husband which is the father of the baby does not want to adopt it out and he has been putting a lot of pressure on Carol to back out. Carol has been out of state for over a month staying with her mother who had a stroke and was paralyzed, she is under a lot of stress the way it is and then to have pressure from her husband has been very difficult for her! She doesn't feel like they can give it the life she would like for it and still wants to go through with the adoption, but..... As much as we liked Carol and would love to have her baby we have the other side of the coin that if the father wants his baby, no matter if it's not the ideal circumstances we don't want to stand in his way! I think that would forever haunt me, and I would feel like we 'stole' it!!  And to think sensibly down the road who's to say she won't back out after she has it and the father has held it and fallen in love with it??? It would be a lot easier to accept now!! Our lawyer feels like it's too risky of a situation and we should move on and be matched with another mother. Our lawyer says it's possible a mother will come to him later in her pregnancy and we could be matched with her and not have to wait so long, which would be a plus not to have to start with a mother who is barely pg and wait 7-8 months again!
So for now we are TRYING to just relax and wait on God to open a door for us... I know it will all work out in the end, but it's the 'in the mean time' that isn't fun wading through! :(

Meeting the birth mother

No, this is not Bill :) But he is still saying he is going to post.....SOMETIME!

We went last weekend to meet the birth mother. We had made out earlier to be at Red Lobster at 6. We quickly found out first hand what others had already found out and warned us about... Marshallese culture doesn't follow the American clock! :) We were at Red Lobster a little early and our translator was actually there already, and told us last he talked to Carol she just had to get the baby ready and then would be on the way. After 'some time' of waiting and Justin starting to get a little antsy he decided to go look for her. In the meantime Bill looked up cell phones, thinking it would be a good idea for Carol to have one ;-) After another amount of time Justin calls and said he had gone clear back to her house and hadn't seen her and her Grandma said she had already left, after confirming we had not seen her either, he headed back. After Justin got back we waited for 'a few' again, and he finally said he thought we should go get some supper and he would go wait for Carol at her house and when she got there he would just meet us at our hotel. Seems simple enough right? At 10:00 we decided to call it a day and tried getting up with Justin to figure out what the plan was for tomorrow... doesn't answer phone or text :( Called our lawyer and he text back in a few and said they were on there way to the motel now. What? at 10? Left Pey in his pj's and we got a little more presentable although not our original all matching, impressive, "first meeting" clothes! :) Our hotel had a big lounge area, with big comfy leather chairs and lamps in a secluded corner that actually worked just perfect for the occasion! Was probably a lot more relaxing than sitting around a table at Red Lobster although a few hours earlier would have been even more relaxing yet :)
Although we have nothing in common, but the baby, we did actually find stuff to talk about till 1:00! I have so many questions I want to ask her about her self and her family etc. etc. but there is a part of me that wants to hold back, because I feel a little bit invasive? selfish? I don't know how to describe the feelings...
We decided to meet for dinner yet before we cam home. They wanted to try Red Lobster again... they were going to church and would be out at 11 and meet at 11:30. I'll let your imagination fill in some of the gaps, but at 1:45 Justin finally calls (yes we TRIED getting up with him 'multiple' times) and said they were at Wal-mart and would be heading our way soon! :-O Yes we did eat at Red Lobster and no in 5 years from now it will never matter, but yes it IS stressful especially to someone who likes to KNOW what is going on and not be left HANGING!! Had a nice time visiting again, and left feeling very glad we had made the time to go see her! It was worth it, stress and all, and it makes it seem a lot more real!! It's so emotional... such strange feelings that one can experience:) When I see this lady with this little bump under her clothes and know that she is carrying MY baby........ I want to give her a big hug and plead with her to take oh such good care of it.. and then when I think of the sacrifice she is making... such love, I can hardly fathom! She very clearly loved her baby and to think that she loves this one too and is unselfish enough to 'let' someone raise it and love it and give it everything she isn't able to provide...makes me so thankful and makes the responsibility of it seem all the more real!
Now just ONE MORE DAY till is will seem even more real!!! She's having another ultrasound Thursday so I can start dreaming in blue or pink! :)

ADOPTION ~ Is a very sacred exchange, It is not done lightly on either side! Jamie Lee Curtis


Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried you tears
One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.
Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of?
Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.
Unknown

Still feeling like a dream! :)

I've been wanting to post an update, but not a lot to post yet! It is all so unreal yet and sometimes expect to wake up and it all just have been a dream!! We have skyped with the BM a couple times now and we REALLY like her! She is more of a soft spoken, reserved personality, but is very sweet and likable! We were hoping to find out if it's a boy or girl last week, but Dr. couldn't get baby to move so now have to wait clear till next Thursday!! Some days it feels like March 25 will NEVER get here, but I imagine with the speed of  life as of the last couple years it "will be here before I know it!" (It's better for me to say that than for you to tell me LOL)
In the meantime we are working on getting our international HS changed over to domestic and trying to not buy all the cute little baby clothes I see :) I had long ago given any newborn stuff I had accumulated over the years away. So will be fun to go shopping!
We are hoping to go to Arkansas this month and meet the birth mother and her family... I'm sure it will probably be awkward at first, but think it will be beneficial to all involved. Didn't want our first meeting to be at the hospital! :(
Some other exciting news.. The family that adopted their little Asian boy from Russia the same time we adopted Peyton, was matched last night with a Marshallese baby as well and it's due very close to the same time as ours!! We think it's pretty cool that we will have two of our children adopted from the same place at the same time:)
Have been bugging Bill to contribute here a little so maybe the next post will be his take on it all! :)

From Kazakhstan to Arkansas

You hear the saying when God closes one door he opens another...well sometimes he doesn't even close one before he opens another!! We just had a DRASTIC change in our adoption plans... just last week we were waiting on Kaz to open and dreaming of little Asian boys and now this week we are counting down the days till March 25 (which btw is 187 days :) and dreaming of little Marshallese babies!!
So... for the details. I spent a couple hours writing this once and when I hit 'save' the computer crashed so just now got enough courage to rewrite. :( For those reading this may get a little boring, but wanted to write the details so we wouldn't forget!
Way back in our research of countries we ran across the small adoption program in the Republic of Marshall Islands. We looked into it a little and found the people and their culture very intriguing! After finding out that only one U.S. agency is licensed to work there, making for a very long wait, we decided to put our name an the waiting list to even get into the program. Our estimated timeframe in January was 3 years before we would be able to start our adoption process, which we thought would be about the time we would be thinking of adding #3 to our family. Every several months we would get updates on the program and where we were in line and it would always spark enthusiasm, but of course we had started our Kaz adoption so always had it on the back burner for the time being. One day while reading back posts on a RMI blog I had joined I found people talking about this large group of Marshallese that had settled in Arkansas and this adoption lawyer that facilitated adoptions primarily for this group of people. After posting a few questions I found out that it is a lot quicker and easier process than going the traditional route to the islands. I told some of my friends about it and told them they should check it out!
Fast forward to last Friday. This attorney from Arkansas called one of my friends who had inquired about it and told her he had a mother with a baby due in March and he had just matched the last family currently in his program...would they be interested? As luck God would have it they had just been matched with a baby and so she passed on the info. When I read it I just had 'that' feeling... forwarded the message on to Bill and he promptly called and wondered what in the world that was about :-) Nonchalantly told him just had read it and decided to forward it on for fun ;-) He didn't see any reason why we wouldn't at least call the attorney and get some more details. E-mailed him and when he did't respond in 10 minutes decided I would have to call LOL He didn't answer, but e-mailed back and said he had a birthmother in his office and couldn't talk, but I could text a few basic questions and he would answer. Now..how in the world do you ask 'A FEW BASIC QUESTIONS' when you have a gazilion DETAILED questions you need to know NOW!! He did as promised and answered a few more than a few ;) and then said let's talk tomorrow in detail. Saturday came and went and he wouldn't return phone, e-mail, text, nothing, zilch! :-( Now my dear hubby had proclaimed at this time that HE wasn't getting his hopes up (but was talking about it nonstop like it was a done deal) love that enthusiasm babe :) But now me on the other hand was not even proclaiming such, and was very disappointed that it had all fallen through, because after all we couldn't get up with him for a whole day!!! Trust me it's different when your in it! :) So as one last feeble attempt I text him late Saturday night and asked if he had found another family? He text Sunday morning and said no he hadn't found a family and still had us in mind, but had gotten very sick and was hoping to be good enough that we could talk Monday afternoon. Ahhh another ray of hope :)
Finally, Monday when I thought it was far enough past 12 to be considered afternoon I called him.... and he answered! He answered all of my questions and gave me all the info on the situation...he said if we were interested he would talk to the mother about us and if she agreed we would talk on Skype and go from there.
After talking it over with Bill we got back with Vaughn and told him that yes we were interested and wanted to pursue it. Little did we know what the rest of the day would hold!! He calls in 30 minutes and says his translator had gone to talk to the mother and she was very excited and could we talk at 7??!! TONIGHT?? To a lady we had never even heard of a few days ago?? Oh the emotions of adoption... one moment nothing can move fast enough and the next moment its going way beyond comfortable speed and your world is SPINNING!!! Now what would YOU say and ask to a lady that was scrutinizing you to see if you would make the most wonderful parents for her unborn child???? Scary doesn't begin to describe it!! Of course Bill worked till WAY to late for my liking and per request I had his clothes all ironed and ready :) I asked him if he wanted to wear his suit HA (which btw they couldn't get their video to work on their end so she couldn't see us anyway so guess we could have been lounging in our pj's..maybe would have been more relaxed...or not!!) We had a special prayer, and leaving it up to God to direct our conversation. The call went very good, and we loved her immediately! (this may be really weird, but I had all kinds of 'what if' thoughts.. like what if she was grotesquely fat and ugly and sounded weird?) She was a very sweet lady and easy to talk to!
We let Vaughn know that the call had gone well and we were comfortable and...err..willing :) to continue. He said she had just called him and said she wanted us to be the parents!!!!!!!! REALLY??? WHY??? WHY US????  Do we laugh or cry or scream or all 3 at once? God is so Good!! We feel so unworthy and humbled that this happened so quickly and easily, but we will very thankful accept!!
to be continued...

"This is the Lord's doing; and it is MARVELLOUS in our eyes!"
                                                                         Psalms 118:23