Patiently Waiting

After our busy Christmas I finally have a day at home so thought I would quick write an update on here. A lot of you have been asking what's new and the answer is NOTHING! We are still waiting for a late term mother that would like to place her baby. I've heard that around Thanksgiving and Christmas is the slowest time in the adoption world, because the mothers are not wanting to think about that during the holidays and so it gets pushed off till things settle down a little. We are hoping that is true in our case and now sometime soon there will be some action! When I start writing about it, it always makes me feel guilty that we are sitting over here just chomping at the bit waiting.... for a mother to give up her baby so we can have it! I know I know that is so incorrect language and all the agencies would love to delete that sentence and say, "make an adoption plan" and yada yada, but the truth of it is there has to be a 'loss' for us to have a 'gain'! For some reason that always dampens my spirits a bit in my wishing for it to happen NOW! It seemed so different to me for some reason when we got Pey, his mother had already made the decision and he was in an orphanage and obviously needed a family asap! But now to go this domestic route and deal with the birth mother directly and be involved in her pain and know her story and sense her love for the baby... it's so hard emotionally to deal with that extra aspect of it! :(  Sometimes it looks like the easiest thing to just have one child :) But then I start thinking more realistically and remember how thankful we are that God gave us the opportunity to adopt and how we have been blessed far more than we ever imagined with our first little miracle boy and how worth it it will be in the end! And then some days believe it or not I start feeling so thankful and undeserving of the life we have been given and I wonder how will we ever be able to stop when we have SO much to share?!! I think time and money will stop us long before we are 'done' adopting!! :)
Ok so I realize this got to be some rambling of thoughts :-/
 Just dreaming out loud here.. I'm just hoping that in about 2 weeks we will get matched with a mother due the first of March, and as far as gender.. just depends on which day you ask me :) So.. I'll try and update then :)

Moving On

Well, we have decided (with some advice) that maybe it would be best to move on and leave the Carol situation behind! :( It's such a sticky, uncertain mess right now and Carol doesn't see at this point how it will work, so we are trying to release her from out hearts and minds. We felt a connection with her and it is really hard to leave it behind, but we are trying to trust that this is the open door we are suppose to be walking through!
We had a ray of hope for a couple days when our lawyer told us of a preemie boy that had been born and the young, single mother had decided after being with baby for 6 wks in NICU that it was too much for her to handle alone. But they had taken mother to the nearest specialty hospital to have the baby and that happened to be in the next state and our lawyer couldn't get the legal part all worked out and then the mother requested the family to be from Arkansas so that fell through as fast as it came to be!!
Vaughn has a mother now that he needs a family for, but she is only 4 months along and he feels quite confident that there will be a mother come to him later in pregnancy that he could match us with. So for now we are taking his advise and going to hold out for a possible later term mother.
I just hate the uncertainty of it all!!! It feels like we back to square one not knowing if we will have a baby in 6 weeks or 6 months and if it will be boy or girl!!  If we were just starting out 6 months would seem so quick, but after counting down weeks for the last several months and dreaming and getting prepared for a girl it's hard to switch gears and be totally neutral on gender and accept the possibility that it could be after our original due date! Oh well such is life, eh?! In the grand scheme of things this is such a little bump, but it's pretty easy to make a mountain out of a mole hill! :-)
Maybe next post will be some really exciting news!!!

Turmoil :(

Have been wanting to post an update, but hasn't been a lot to post about, until... this week. Our lawyer contacted us and said he saw red flags in the adoption.. NOT what one wants to hear!! The boyfriend/husband which is the father of the baby does not want to adopt it out and he has been putting a lot of pressure on Carol to back out. Carol has been out of state for over a month staying with her mother who had a stroke and was paralyzed, she is under a lot of stress the way it is and then to have pressure from her husband has been very difficult for her! She doesn't feel like they can give it the life she would like for it and still wants to go through with the adoption, but..... As much as we liked Carol and would love to have her baby we have the other side of the coin that if the father wants his baby, no matter if it's not the ideal circumstances we don't want to stand in his way! I think that would forever haunt me, and I would feel like we 'stole' it!!  And to think sensibly down the road who's to say she won't back out after she has it and the father has held it and fallen in love with it??? It would be a lot easier to accept now!! Our lawyer feels like it's too risky of a situation and we should move on and be matched with another mother. Our lawyer says it's possible a mother will come to him later in her pregnancy and we could be matched with her and not have to wait so long, which would be a plus not to have to start with a mother who is barely pg and wait 7-8 months again!
So for now we are TRYING to just relax and wait on God to open a door for us... I know it will all work out in the end, but it's the 'in the mean time' that isn't fun wading through! :(